Oh dairy. I have loved you for 26 years. We've had some rough spots but everything was going great for a long time. Then you had to go and mess with my stomach. Now I am repulsed by you. First there was the egg salad. Ok, so that didn't work so well. I thought maybe it was a fluke... you know there is a stomach virus going around. Nope... ate it again same thing. Then I had some ice cream. Woa nelly... watch out. Now tonight I have macaroni and cheese and what the bloody hell?? You have turned on me lactose. Now, I am afraid to indulge in the sweet tastiness of one of my food groups, ice cream. How could you just turn on me? I don't eat red meat or pork so my basic food groups have always been cheese, bread, ice cream and more cheese. What will I do now? How will I get my calcium? Take vitamins you say? Hell no! I can barely remember to take birth control everyday and I've been doing that for years. I really hope we can reconcile. Did you get the flowers I sent? How about the lactaid? I might not remember to take it before I eat you dairy but can't you show me a little sympathy.
I ask all of you reading this to please talk to dairy and let him know that I miss him. And whatever I did wrong I'm sure I can fix it. I just can't handle the thought of soy products. It just sounds so hippy-ish.
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2 comments:
I'll talk to dairy for you. Word on the street is that he's going to be at the party at Guido's place tonight. I'll know some sense into him. Dairy is so delicious! You just can't miss out.
ey oh, i freakin tawked ta dat diry goomba, dont you wurry, he wont be disrespecting you anymore. Trust me. sometimes you gotta smack deese guys arounda bit, shows them who's in chaarge. know whadd i mean?
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